Fact: Humanity is a synonym for kindness When I first went to London in 1994, it was Christmas time, I was 20, and on my own. One day, on the tube, I sat down opposite a lady in her seventies who was sitting alone. […]
Author: Bianca Bowers
Fear is a classic hoarder Fear holds onto all of our negative experiences and associations, like a hoarder stores junk. It could be emotional junk. It could a friendship or relationship that no longer serves us. It could be a grudge, or resentment, […]
Fear is content with the easy route, the lazy option, the comfort of the familiar. Fear likes to settle. When fear has its way, you’ll be eating a bowl of mediocrity every morning. Love aims higher, because it knows its limitless potential. Love is fierce, courageous and fearless. Love doesn’t settle for anything other than its worth.
Thought of the day
Fear settles for mediocrity, Love Aims Higher
Until next time,
I love French movies for their classy sophistication, realism, and propensity to engage my insatiable brain. This weekend I watched Un homme à la hauteur (Up for Love) and fell head over heels in love with the story, characters and soundtrack. It also evoked a lobby4love question […]
What Does Love Do? What do you do when you feel persecuted by people/situations/circumstances etc.? It is so easy to sink into fear, and default to defensiveness, cynicism, anxiety, blame, and anger. Isn’t it? So what does love do? Really and truly and honestly. What […]
Old Habits Die Hard
My 2017 resolution was to take action against my negative internal dialogue by keeping a daily thought journal. The first thing I noticed was an increase in self-awareness, and, as the days went on, I found myself thinking less negative thoughts and writing less in my journal. About a week in, I decided to read back what I’d written.
It shocked me so much that I wrote this poem:
There are demons in my head but I have only just seen their faces on the page My own words, reserved for self, staring back with seasoned hatred, with jagged cruelty They say things I wouldn’t utter to enemies So, why then is it acceptable to treat ME this way?
That moment of realisation left me in no doubt that I had been sharing space with an internal assassin for too long, and I wanted to do more and perhaps help others in the process. A week later, I created the hashtag, #lobby4love, and started writing daily quotes that inspired people to choose love over fear.
<<Unsure what LOVE vs FEAR means? Read an explanation HERE>>
Change your perspective, change your life.
It may sound simplistic, but it really works. Monitoring your own thoughts, words, and actions is the most effective way to eventually change said thoughts, words, and actions.
Changing your perspective is not an overnight phenomenon. In many cases people are unaware that their perspective is fear-based. Understanding and changing your perspective is a journey that requires daily practice and perseverance. In my case, I struggled with this negative internal dialogue for the whole of my adult life (and my teens), but it was only after noting down my thoughts that I realised how destructive those thoughts were. And that process of writing my thoughts down raised my awareness and kept me accountable in the days, weeks and months that I worked toward dismantling that negative perspective.
In essence, changing your perspective requires to you re-train your brain so that you start viewing life/people/situations from a different (more loving/forgiving and less judgemental) perspective.
Not to say that you bury your head in the sand (read that post HERE), but rather raise your awareness and dismantle your negative conditioning.
Do you have trouble choosing Love over Fear? I recently wrote a post called Love vs Fear: What’s Your Perspective? In addition to talking you through how to identify your default (or dominant) perspective, it also offers 3 simple steps to raising your self-awareness.
Until next time,
Fear vs Love What does that mean? Does choosing love mean that you ignore your fear, or repress it, or try to beat it by thinking positive? No way. It doesn’t. Positive thinking is null and void if that means burying your head in the […]
Imagine that you’re a rowing boat in the marina, without an anchor or rope. Now imagine a storm approaching. The wind picks up, and torrential rain causes waves to swell. You find yourself at the mercy of unpredictable weather; you sustain injury, get thrown […]
Once upon a time
Once upon a time, in a relationship far far away, the object of my affection asked me why I loved him. To which I replied (without thinking), because you make me happy.
And immediately after saying that, I scolded myself for saying something so selfish and irresponsible. Because it is not someone else’s obligation, or responsibility, or in fact within their capacity, to make another happy.
Think before you speak
Funny enough, the relationship ended shortly after that conversation and I was (cue irony, please) very unhappy.
Your point, please
In retrospect, it’s not that he made me happy, but rather that I was happy in his company. Or, put another way, my natural state of contentment was effortlessly facilitated in his company.
And it may seem like such a simple distinction, but, when you dissect it, it is rather profound.
If we rely on an individual to ‘make’ us happy, then it follows that we will rely on them to make us unhappy too.
The grey area of we, in happy
If we place our emotional contentment at the door of someone else, then we’re doing them and ourselves a huge disservice. The burden of happiness is not the responsibility of our friends, family, and partners. It is solely the individual’s responsibility. Because the question and pursuit of happiness is not an external pursuit, but an internal one. If we rely on an individual to ‘make’ us happy, then it follows that we will rely on them to make us unhappy too. Which is a vicious cycle, and as far away from inner contentment as we can get.
How to be happy
The question is how do we achieve that state of inner contentment (that we locate with ease when we’re with people we love) on our own? Like anything, it is a journey. A journey toward self-awareness and self-acceptance. A journey from fear to love. Fear will trick you into believing that happiness is an external pursuit, love reminds you that it is all within. Self-acceptance is the heartbeat of happiness and inner contentment.
So, lobby4lovers, if you’re relying on a certain person to make you happy, ask yourself what it is about that person that warms you up inside, and furthermore, what do you need to change in order to find that within yourself?
Until next time,
The Human Condition Has and Always Will Be I’ve been watching James Boag on yogaanytime talking about Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, which were written thousands of years ago. And the main theme that strikes me each time I watch and listen is the fact that the human […]