I love French movies for their classy sophistication, realism, and propensity to engage my insatiable brain. This weekend I watched Un homme à la hauteur (Up for Love) and fell head over heels in love with the story, characters and soundtrack. It also evoked a lobby4love question regarding the old adage ‘Love is Blind’.
Could the ‘Love is Blind’ adage also be applied to the Love vs Fear equation?
When we fall in love, we happily overlook the shortcomings or vices of our potential love-mate. Right? The question is why? What is it about romantic love that liberates us so completely and allows us to follow blind with absolute wild abandon?
Well, there’s the scientific explanation:
Falling in love activates the pleasure centre in the brain…Which in turn releases euphoria-inducing chemicals including dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin. Add to that the theory of propagating the species.
Which is all well and good when the species is threatened or close to extinction, but we are no longer in that situation. Quite the opposite.
So, let’s just say that, for arguments sake, in the absence of propagation the act of blindly following love is simply natures way of overriding our usually stubborn and pesky fear of risk and pain.
Why not, right?
Which brings me to the Love vs Fear tug of war. Why do we have an override button for romantic love but not for other (more pressing) matters of the heart and self i.e. dreams, desires, self-realisation, enlightenment, personal evolution, etc.?
Why aren’t we forced to follow blind when it really matters?
Well, that’s a question I can’t answer. But what I can do is suggest. When we fall in love, we give ourselves over to the beauty and thrill of wild abandon.
While love is the drug, we happily vacate the world of ‘if onlys’ and take up residence in the land of ‘what ifs’. So why can’t we replicate that approach in our daily Love vs Fear struggle?
Surely choosing Love can be as easy as falling in love.
After all, isn’t that what conditioned fear is at its core – talking ourselves out of doing something we want to do because we’re scared of making a mistake, or failing, or getting hurt, or losing face, or being rejected?
I would argue, yes. Yes, yes, yes. If we allowed conditioned fear to get in the way of romantic love then we might well have failed to propagate.
Let’s face it, there are few experiences that equal the bliss of falling in love and the pain of failing in love. Right? But we do it anyway. Partly because we can’t help ourselves, and partly because the fear of being alone is greater than our fear of getting hurt.
That is to say, when it comes to romance our conditioning doesn’t mean shit. Love overrides our Fear every time.
So why not attempt to fall in love more often in your daily life?
Not in terms of romance, but in terms of the things I mentioned earlier – the more pressing matters of the heart and self, such as dreams, desires, self-realisation, enlightenment, and personal evolution. Imagine how good it would feel to follow your heart more often than not, to choose love in spite of the risks and consequences.
Within reason of course.
I’m not saying go crazy and say to hell with every consequence, because we do live in a world ruled by action and consequence (cause and effect). But I am saying that instead of defaulting to fear 90% of the time, maybe try to default 50% of the time and make a concerted effort to fall in love with the things that matter the remaining 50% of the time.
It’s just a thought 🙂
And on that note, I’ll leave you with a beautiful song from the movie called ‘Follow Blind’.
Until next time, lobby4love!