Love More, Fear Less

The grey area of we, in happy



Once upon a time

Once upon a time, in a relationship far far away, the object of my affection asked me why I loved him. To which I replied (without thinking), because you make me happy.

And immediately after saying that, I scolded myself for saying something so selfish and irresponsible. Because it is not someone else’s obligation, or responsibility, or in fact within their capacity, to make another happy.

Think before you speak

Funny enough, the relationship ended shortly after that conversation and I was (cue irony, please) very unhappy.

Your point, please

In retrospect, it’s not that he made me happy, but rather that I was happy in his company. Or, put another way, my natural state of contentment was effortlessly facilitated in his company.


And it may seem like such a simple distinction, but, when you dissect it, it is rather profound.


If we rely on an individual to ‘make’ us happy, then it follows that we will rely on them to make us unhappy too.


The grey area of we, in happy

If we place our emotional contentment at the door of someone else, then we’re doing them and ourselves a huge disservice. The burden of happiness is not the responsibility of our friends, family, and partners. It is solely the individual’s responsibility. Because the question and pursuit of happiness is not an external pursuit, but an internal one. If we rely on an individual to ‘make’ us happy, then it follows that we will rely on them to make us unhappy too. Which is a vicious cycle, and as far away from inner contentment as we can get.

How to be happy

The question is how do we achieve that state of inner contentment (that we locate with ease when we’re with people we love) on our own? Like anything, it is a journey. A journey toward self-awareness and self-acceptance. A journey from fear to love. Fear will trick you into believing that happiness is an external pursuit, love reminds you that it is all within. Self-acceptance is the heartbeat of happiness and inner contentment.


So, lobby4lovers, if you’re relying on a certain person to make you happy, ask yourself what it is about that person that warms you up inside, and furthermore, what do you need to change in order to find that within yourself?


Bianca Bowers

Until next time,

Bianca  ❤️✌️




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